Dream Maker to Dream crusher.

I have had many many many victories in life. Holding the record in Phoenix for multiple track and field events to receiving scholar-athlete scholarships. Modeling around the world on multiple runways to building a successful career in print as Nordstrom's regular jeans model. I was on a plane probably 4 times a week doing this. Made some great money doing that, all while living in Seattle, Washington.

...and I was DOING FINE...until one day someone calls me and says "Hey you should make a career out of playing bass, I watched you a few years ago when you were 17 playing the "BUMP" at church!" then he says, " I had to come closer and let my eyes believe that is was a GIRL PLAYING THAT GOOD!" (he also plays bass exceptionally well, so he knows a groove) He told me to pull my bass out, change my strings, get the right amp, get on it, and get seen. So stupidly, what did I do, I did just that.

Now my sister Nichelle once told me, "FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANNA DO, you are so good at so many things that it stops you from MASTERING one thing...." She also told me that if "someone told me that I SCRAPE DIRT well, then I would be scraping dirt"

Now that really made me mad! How could she look at me and talk to me like that? It made me feel like I was a bum in a weird kind of way. So I took some time figuring out what I wanted to do. Then, I moved to Phoenix, my hometown.

ANYWAY, back to my music guy. This guy was there to help me find the resources I needed to find in order to make it where I wanted to make it to. I fell in love with him, because, well, I had always thought he was cute, but then I was attracted to our conversation and to TOP IT OFF, HE WANTED TO HELP ME BUILD MY DREAM! Which is very important to me...and it helps that he already was attracted to me when he met me =)

Long story short, he ended up moving to Phoenix where I was, and from there we started something great! I had already started taking off as a KNOWN bassplayer...I got a few endorsements, played some cool shows, and started singing more with my bass. He said "Let's do an album, I will produce it." I said, well, I am not trying to be a FAMOUS artist or anything, I just want to PLAY bass! He convinced me that I should finish an album, and that he would produce it for me. So here I am making an album. It seemed as if I was doing more singing than I wanted, I WANTED TO JUST PLAY BASS! He told me it has to be more commercial than "musical" if I wanted it to do well.

I got a little upset but I did the singing thing. I always considered myself a BASSIST THAT SINGS not A SINGER THAT PLAYS BASS. But whatever! Later, I did find out that I liked singing a lot more than I thought. So I did it.

As "NIK WEST" created more and more of a buzz, we worked even harder

We worked many months and long days and hours on this album and we put our hard work, money, sweat, tears into it.

As we get close to finishing and I mean one song left to record. I get a phone call from my bassplaying, producing, talented, dream maker of a boyfriend, and he tells me...in these words "I used to know you as Nicole, and now everyone knows you as "NIK WEST" and you are this Nik West, bassplayer, singer, etc, you are beautiful and alot of guys like you and I see your future." Your future is going to be full of doing shows, leaving town, and meeting alot of people, and WHAT I NEED is stability in my life, because I want to get married to you sooner than later (he already has a little boy, that I LOVE!!!) and I want to take care of my son, I want him with me again, and I need you to stay here and be the stable force at home...and I don't think you are ready for that Nicole" At first, you were just a girl that I thought was just enthusiastic about playing your bass and now (even though I helped) you are ......NIK WEST....

Hummmm....now I figure, at 23 years old, there should be no rush right???? WRONG, for him, he wanted what he wanted and couldn't see it any other way, no matter how many times I tried to compromise and say that I can do everything he requires as long as I know that HE would hold down the fort and could support a family. I couldn't get him to see it any other way, but the way he wanted his life to be.

Now I am generally not a crier, I am more of a tomboy and don't let much bother me....but, after all of that conversation, I said, with tears streaming down " YOU DID THIS TO ME, you sold me a dream, pushed me hard to accomplish this thing, and now you (in reality) want me to choose? YOU SOLD ME SOMETHING THAT YOU DIDNT BELIEVE WOULD GET THIS FAR? I really thought that if anyone could understand me, it would be him. BUT it's like he sold me a PIPE DREAM...that I could have a successful career and have him too. Doesn't seem this way...so what do I choose???....I could always just go back to college...I could be a succesful Calculus teacher with no problem. :-)... It just hurts to know that the one person I truly love could be a DREAM MAKER AND A DREAM CRUSHER to me.

So my question to you out there in blogland is....What would you choose?? And why? Share some of you experiences with me!

-Nik